Happy Birthday Reegan!

Happy Birthday Buddy Bear!

A year, 365 days, an unimaginable year filled with emotions we never though possible. I never imagined the big anticipation for your birthday would be the placement of the headstone on your grave. Still God is good, and he blessed us with 4 1/2 months with you. He let us experience the joy of parenthood, and Lord willing will be blessing all of us with the gift of a little sister around Christmas.

Still the joys that God provides, doesn't mean we can't be sad. We miss you buddy, we miss your giggles, your smile, your voice. It sucks without you here. The adjustment going back to just your mother and I was hard, and occasionally I still find myself filling the evenings with chores or activities in order to keep busy. Still your absence is felt. We watch the children your age grow up, and wonder what might have been. Would you be walking by now? Would you be talking with us? What would you look like, how would have your personality grown? We still wouldn't trade another day on earth with you in exchange for eternity with you. We rest fully in God's promises and his providence that even though your time was short with us, God's will was fulfilled.

Wednesday will be hard for us. We'll be reminded of the days spent with you, the time we had, and how much we miss you. We'll have reminders with friends and family, and even an article in the local paper about SIDS, as much as I just want to be sad, and crawl under the covers all day, we will celebrate. We'll celebrate God's grace, His glory, and our salvation. We'll celebrate the time we had with you, the memories of you, and the great times spent together. We'll all lean on Christ's comfort and care to get us through the day.

Happy Birthday Reegan! I know you'll be celebrating!

Dad

Memories..

As much as my heart is aching.. I keep replaying this video over and over tonight! Reegan melts my heart! Hopefully this puts a smile on your face too! :)

If you didn't catch it, I'm asking if he had a good day at Gretchen's (the babysitter's home).. I will take that as a yes!

Andrew and myself are reflecting on our lives with Reegan. We are working togather on finishing his scrap book with the journal entries we wrote just days after his passing. I can not believe the amount of detail we both wrote down! I guess we didn't want to forget a single moment.. and listening to this sweet video tonight I can't help but smile to be this little boy's mama!
More to come later, as we celebrate Reegan's life on Weds the 16th!

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome Awareness Month -

My heart beats rapid when I realize that it's finally October.. a month that we should be celebrating our son's birthday in just a few short weeks. We should be throwing a first birthday party, eating cake, and sharing lots of hugs and kisses.. but instead we will get to join in with many others in raising awareness for SIDS.

We are approaching that time of year, where I can feel my stomach in my throat. I can feel myself remembering what last year at this time we were doing. We were preparing to take home a sweet, baby boy, at anytime. I remember making final preparations to the nursery, making sure my hospital bag was ready to go at any given time, car seat installed, and the final to do lists completed before it was time. I sit here a year later, with many mixed emotions...

I am so thankful for what the last year has taught us. I'm so grateful that God has chosen to bless us not once, but twice in a years time with two beautiful blessings. I would be lying to you, if I said I wasn't afraid that SIDS would happen again, or the thought of having to have my time cut short again with, Lord willing, a daughter at the end of this year, beginning of next. Then, I realize that I'm playing all the "What Ifs" in life.. and oh, does that ever put my mind in a whirlwind. I then have to  refocus my thoughts on how faithful and good God has been to us. The healing that He has provided, and the assurance of His providence is something that no words can explain. I have officially become more relaxed in this past year than I have ever been. I don't seem to fret about the little things anymore. I used to get so uptight in the uncertainty of the future. I played the "What If" game a lot with myself.. What if.. one of us lost our job, we couldn't get pregnant, one of us received a bad health report, lost a family member.. and the list goes on. Now, I see clearly and can say with conviction to EVERY single one of those.. God provides, cares, knows what your yesterday was, and what your tomorrow is. In reading, My Jesus Calling, I was recently reminded, again to not worry about tomorrow, because God is already there! Beautiful reminder.. and is something that I do remind myself of daily.

With October being SIDS awareness month, I am holding myself accountable to finishing Reegan's scrap book, follow through with an interview for the Sioux Center News, grave stone is placed, and celebrate October 16 with the most love in our hearts we could possibly have! We haven't exactly decided how we are going to celebrate yet, but regardless, I will remain thankful for the blessing Reegan was to us and so many others. I will remember his sweet smile, beautiful eyes, heartwarming coos, and loving personality until we are reunited again! This month is also a great reminder for me to pray for all other hurting families that have lost infant children. I'm convinced this ache will never go away.. but so thankful that God loves us and our children more than we can ever imagine!


This picture always puts a smile on my face,  I can just hear him cooing right now.. or singing beautifully in Heaven!