6 months -

I'm sitting inside on a cold, rainy, soon to be snow storm kind of day. While I'm sitting here, I'm thinking.. thinking.. what would Reegan be doing as he would be turning 6 months today?! As much as we miss loving on our handsome little man, I can't believe it's been 6 weeks since we held him last. Far to long.. but yet it feels like it's been forever, when will this fog lift?

The autopsy report has come back as of last week. It has been confirmed, SIDS. Reegan's body was perfectly healthy! As hard as it is to accept the reality of his death, we are thankful knowing that there wasn't something wrong, and that he didn't suffer. We are thankful knowing it wasn't something genetic that would cause us to consider our future family planning.  My initial concern was that he had choked, but that too has been ruled out. SIDS.. never in a million years, did I think that was going to happen to our child. Afterall, Reegan did not match any of the criteria that would have put him at risk.  Our initial reaction to the report was that we were upset. In our minds there had to be something or some reason why his tine on this earth had to be cut so short. After all, we were having so much FUN and what JOY Reegan brought to our lives. Andrew and myself truely did playfully fight who got to feed / play with him in the evenings. On a typical night you would have found Reegan and ourselves laying on our living room floor, singing songs, reading books, and playing. It feels so long ago that we had that kind of  "joy" in our home.

I'm thankful that God gave us a beautiful, healthy child that we could truely enjoy for 4.5 months! Reegan has taught me more that I could have ever imagined in such a short time. I have learned that in trials, you can still find Joy! It may not be the kind of baby loving / sweet smilies / giggles kind of joy that I feel I'm missing out on. But rather, Joy that is found in being in God's presence ( Romans 15:13- Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

The Bible is loaded with Joy! Joy of Salvation, joy of knowing he's the one in control of ALL things, joy found in being thankful in all circumstances, joy of knowing God in tribulations. Yep, you got it, we have found the REAL Joy in life. We are clinging tighter to it than ever. The best part is, this Joy will never leave us! It may be difficult to find in times, but the joy of the Lord is my strength! Even as difficult as it may be some days to put a smile on our faces, and face the real world. We know that God is by our side, never will he leave us! We have to be ever seeking his presence, and he will fill us with a Joy that no worldy desire can fill. What an awesome promise this is! We cling knowing in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose! Neither life or death can seperate us from the eternal love of God that has saved us! This is what keeps us going in life, becuase the days are hard. When you step back and realise that God has everything in control, you will find much relief in this spinning out of control kind of world.

One thing that brings pure joy to us, is knowing that Reegan is experiencing Heaven and all it's glory! I've never been more fascinated in my life about Heaven than I have now. You and me both know we can't fathom what Heaven is really like. However, I have been reading a devotional, "We Shall See God," the devotion is answering some of the questions that I have had. Knowing that Reegan is experiencing far better than what we can even imagine is so comforting. One day, we too will get to experience that Joy - what a glorious day that will be!

Once again, we are reminded that each day is a beatiful gift from God. We never know when he will call us to his glorious home. We DO know that he is preparing a place for you and me there, this he promises. The Lord calls the young, the old, the sick, the healthy home. There is no guarantee that you will have another day on this earth. Spend each day praising the One that has blessed you abundantly!

Angela