5 weeks-

Tonight, I decided to take Andrew’s new bike out for a spin. I thought a perfect ride would be to go to the cemetery. I’m not sure what brought me more pain tonight – the sore bottom that I had before I made it half way there or just visiting the place where Reegan’s body lays at rest. I couldn’t help but notice again tonight that the flowers from the funeral are all dead and discolored, except the purple flowers which we originally placed in the sway to represent royalty. After all we thought it was only acceptable to place purple in the sway to represent his name meaning – born into royalty, little ruler. I still visit his grave, and I can’t help but still ask, “Why God?” My hurt continues to hurt, and it doesn’t feel like it’s getting any better. Although, I find that exercising and getting out of the house these days has helped boost my overall attitude in general. I will take delight in God for blessing me with new mercies every day. My prayer is that you will continue to uphold Andrew and myself but that you will also pray for our marriage. Grief in itself is UGLY. You never know what will set you off, or what little memory will bring us to our knees wailing. While all of this is taking place, we still have marriage to “maintain.” Marriage in itself requires an ideal amount of work with communication, respect, love to list a few. I pray that Andrew and myself will stay strong, knowing that over 50% of marriages that involve a child loss end in divorce is a scary statistic. Although we are well aware of this, we continue to covet prayers. The stress on a marriage of each other grieving at different times is very difficult some days. Why did we only have Reegan such a short time, but have such a long road ahead? I guess something we are just not meant to know on this earth. However, we continue to cling to God’s promises, and that is sufficient for today.

Angela