Happy Mother's Day..

I remember all to clearly being pregnant last year for Mother's Day. I was literally smiling from ear to ear.. because I was thinking all day.. how next year for Mother's Day I will have a baby of my own to cuddle and love on. Yeah... that's how I would have liked it.. but God had bigger and different plans than ours. Just maybe, God will fill our hurting arms and bless us with a baby kind of joy sooner than later. That is our prayer..

Although, today could be very depressing in itself. I'm going to try and keep my chin up today. I'm going to remember the time that I got to be a mom, to the most beautiful boy that I have ever known. I'm remembering how blessed I felt tucking that little man in every night. Rocking him to sleep was one of my favorite things to do as a mom. I enjoyed singing "Jesus Loves Me," as he would watch the fish go up and down in his lava lamp nightlight. It was perfect. Sometimes, I would just hold him and pray thanking God for Reegan. Afterall, being a mom is the best thing in the world, and by far the best thing I have experienced in this life! Having Reegan was the best 4.5 months of my life... why did this have to end so soon? I have asked myself that question unfortunatly too much in the last few days in anticipation for this coming weekend. I have spent much time looking back at many pictures, all that have been taken in the last 6 months. It's almost like I can't remember what it's like to have a sweet baby in my arms, so I have to look at pictures to remind myself of the pure joy that we once had. Oh, how my heart breaks when I see those dark blue eyes looking back at me. I can just hear him cooing. Oh Buddy Bear.. we miss you.

So I say I'm going to keep my chin up - I think this might be harder than I thought it would be. However, in the last few months I have made some new frienships with other moms who have and continue to walk the same shoes we have. I'm going to pray for extra grace today not only for myself but for them too. This will be the first Mother's Day, for many of those moms, without their children too. It's an ugly and too familiar road at this point, but we all know that it is God's plan and that our children are forever safe with him.

One of my favorite verses is: Jeremiah 29:11 -For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. This is such a beautiful reminder, again and again. I will not be stuck in these days of grief, but I will look ahead and keep my mind focused on what is yet to come. Whether this be a future family, a family vacation, or just getting through another day. I am forever hopeful. Hopeful for a brighter future, a brighter tomorrow. The words in Hebrew 11:1 are exactly how you live out Jeremiah 29:11. Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. When the days are hard and with Mother's Day soon approaching I am continually reminding myself that Reegan is in the greatest place he could be. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself, and pick up my feet and look forward. God has great things in store for us. Romans 8:28 -  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Although, the last year is definetly not a road that I would have chosen for myself, I will be forever grateful for the time that God blessed me to be Reegan's mother for a short time here on this earth. I would not trade those days for the world. The Lord is GOOD he continues to bless us abundantly - he has not forgottten us. Psalm 67 May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us. Amen.

Happy Mother's Day! What a great day to acknowledge all loving and caring mothers. I know I have one of the best ones! I don't know what I would do with out her.. although, she says I'd be just fine! :) I pray that God blesses her with many more healthy years! I love you.

Angela Marie