Empty Glass

Tonight I had the opportunity to spend some time with my brother.  Archery is a pasttime of ours, and we spent some time together enjoying it.  Not alot of words were spoken, but we were enjoying time with one another.  I regret not doing this very often.  I enjoy our relationship, and feel like as his older brother I might be able to teach him a thing or two, and learn from him.

After archery we went out for supper, and across the room was a couple with a son, about Reegan's age.  It looked like the dad was having so much fun.  I'm sure I stared, and I'm sure my brother noticed I was only half in the conversation, but he didn't say anything, and I'm grateful for that.

I'm getting past the initial questions and condolences from people now, and they are asking me to dive into how I'm really feeling. I know their concerned, I just really struggle with answers outside of the ones I've rehearsed.  So I am taking a little time now to think, and share about how I'm feeling.  I feel like an empty glass.  I remember what it was like to be full of joy, full of happiness, full of love, but right now I don't have those things.  I'm patiently waiting to be filled again, waiting for what's next.  It doesn't matter whether it's water, milk, or juice, God, just fill my cup, I want to be full again. Not only do I want to be full, the other cup in my cupboard right next to me wants it just as much. She talks about it all the time, and despite my own desires, I have to provide her with patience as well.

So for now I'm empty, but I'm patiently, hopefully, and even at times fearfully waiting to be filled up again.  I know it's coming, but I don't know when.

I know there is people out their still praying for us, and my prayer for tonight is Lord, just give me a glimpse of what is coming, Lord let me see what you are going to fill my cup with, Lord help me to be patient in waiting for you. I do know my glass isn't really empty, it is filled with the Holy Spirit and You are here with me.