To my Buddy Bear –

It’s been almost 3 weeks since, I've gotten to kiss your checks, hear your giggles, hold you close, and whisper, I love you. Why does it seem longer than that? Why does it feel like it’s been years since I've last seen your smile? My hearts hurts. Everything reminds me of you, and I can’t help but think how good we had it! I was on my way to work this morning, and I looked in my rear view mirror, and just that, it broke my heart to not see you sleeping away in your car seat! How long is this aching going to last? I've had several people tell me that the pain will always be there, it just depends how you are going to deal with it. Lord, help me… I pray this over, and over! The quietness of my home is something I never expected to return until your father and myself were old, when our children where all grown and moved out. I’m using this quiet time in my life to learn more about God and to reassure myself of his promises! When I think too much, I just get upset and think about everything that I’m missing out on.. reading books, singing your favorite songs, playing endlessly… then I look out my window and I can’t help but think about walks, bike rides, and camping, When these thoughts overwhelm me, I have to remember that you are happy, and experiencing God’s glory and there’s NOTHING on this earth that compares to that! I can’t help but wonder what Heaven is like, who have you meet, what are you doing, have you asked Jonah what it was like to stay 3 days inside the belly of a whale? Speaking of Jonah, I miss reading that book too! J Every time I have this moment of break down, I need to remember, that life is still good even in the trials. I still Thank God for giving us 4.5 months of pure joy, we will never understand why you were taken so soon. But yet, I praise God and thank him and rejoice with you, because we do know that you are singing with the angels! I know that you are not suffering, hurting, or crying.. so why should I be so sad? I know that God is using this time in our life, to reveal a bigger and better plan for us. I know that God will not leave us hurting forever,  for joy comes in the morning. God is faithful, there are no tragedies in life, because it’s all part of the plan. I’ve learned that it’s okay to cry, it okay to be sad, it’s even okay to ask God why. After all these are part of the steps of grieving, ugh, that’s an ugly word! But then again, I get an overwhelming sense of God’s grace, and then I’m able to put a smile on my face. In a blink of an eye, we will see each other again.. and oh what a joyous day that will be! Till then, see you later!

From your mom

A child that loses a parent is an orphan.
A man who loses his wife is a widower.
A woman who loses her husband is a widow.
There is no name for a parent that loses a child,
for there is no word to describe this pain